Ingredients for Smart Online Dating

It seems like everything these days has become virtual. Keeping up with our friends, checking our bank statements, and shopping for the latest awesome pair of shoes has never been easier. But that isn’t the only thing that the internet is good for. The internet can, gasp, bring you to meeting your significant others.

    Everyone has qualms about joining an online dating service, or downloading dating apps. The first most common one is that everyone on there is Catfish syndrome, which is when someone isn’t who they say they are. A common thing on the internet is that people tend to lie. Some lie about their age, others lie about what they do for a living. Many even lie about being a real person. People who do that often give online dating a bad name. But, that shouldn’t stop you from trying.

    According to Statistic Brain, 20 % of committed relationships have begun online, and have a higher success rate. However, how does one even reach that point, when there’s so many out there who have had a negative experience online dating, or the simple fact that there are creeps lurking around?

How Many Mutual Friends?

Well, let’s start off with meeting someone via Tinder, which connects with your Facebook. One thing that I do to ensure online safety is to make sure that before I ‘like’ someone, I have a few mutual friends with that person. That gives me that extra cushion to know that they are really, even before I press that green heart.

Slow and Steady Wins the Race

Now let’s say that you’ve found someone and you’ve hit it off with them. Now what do you do? The next big tip that I have is to take it slow. Since you don’t actually know this person, it’s hard to actually say what they are like when you meet them. However, by taking it slowly and not jumping the gun to meet them, it ensures your complete and total security. Doing it in steps is my best advice. First, talk for a few weeks, or until it feels comfortable for you. Then, gradually ask for their number, and add them on various social networking sites.

Skype Dates Aren’t Only for LDR Anymore!

The last major tip is to have a Skype date before having an actual date. This is crucial for many reasons. One, if they refuse then you know that they aren’t exactly the person that they say they are, or have something to hide. If that’s the case, then you don’t want to associate yourself with someone like that anyways. If they do, it gives you a chance to actually meet...well kinda. This is a way to avoid getting Catfished, because if their pictures are false, then you catch them on the spot, without putting yourself in a tricky situation. It’s a good way to go on a date, without actually the pressure of one.

Now What?

After the Skype date, the power is then put in your hands to get to the actual date. But, the good part about online dating? People who have met online versus other ways of meeting have more chances of making it work. At the end of the day, that’s all we want.

    To fall in love, we have to take chances, and to put ourselves out there. An online dating profile is one of those risks, because you are in a sense being Catfished. However, if you’re smart about how you connect, then you could potentially find that special person for you.

Now What?

You go on Tinder, and you press that little green heart. Now what?
Well, the thing with me with online relationships is that I never talk to the people on there. Like ever. My friend recently got a Tinder, and they met 2 people on their, and have countless other conversations on there. I only have talked to three out of the eighty that I have matched with, and two of them just were kind of wierd. The one person that I actually feel comfortable with is actually pretty cool.
I don't understand exactly how to use my Tinder. I just want to know if I'm doing it right. Should I have found my dream man yet? I don't understand how to message people, and it's just awkward because you don't know what to say to them. Hi sounds awful boring when you're trying to make a reasonable first impression.
Maybe Tinder just ain't for me. Maybe I suck at connecting and making connections. Or maybe, just maybe, I need to look past my judgement coat, and not be so self-conscious about everything.

Why Are We On Tinder?

Tinder is the place where all singles can roam freely. Some lie, some alter their pictures to make them seem a little bit better to look at. But here's the million dollar question...why are we on Tinder?
Well, I'm on Tinder because I am completely and utterly romantically challenged. I have no idea how to flirt, so being online helps me have a little bit less pressure. However, some people use it for different reasons, which ultimately give the app a bit of a bad name. Some use the app for sex, which really scares me because why would you have sex with a complete and utter perfect stranger.
For anyone who knows me, we can probably say that I'm Jess Day. I'm awkward, funny, and rock those large hipster-style glasses like no one's business. I'm not the type of girl who does the hook-up things. I do the let's get to know each other first things. I have over 80 matches, and I do feel good about the app. I do however, from time to time, get odd messages. But, at the end of the day, I feel like this app has the goal of bringing people together. And, with people more likely to stay together who met on the internet, why not try Tinder?
 And, if you're a creep, chances are your ass is going to get blocked. I'm a lady, not your prositiute, and will not and ever be 'DTF'.

Virtual to Actual

The one downfall to meeting someone online is that you want to meet them in person. And, in some case, that's probably the point. I mean, you probably want to take it a step further than just simply being someone that the dude talks to on Tinder.
My friend recently got a Tinder, and has raised this question. How do you take someone who you've met on the inter webs, and transform them to an actual, boyfriend? When is it not creepy to say 'hi, i think we should try to go out on a date.'
We live in a society where the internet has been given a bad name. We live in a society where we doubt the person behind the screen is actually the person behind that screen. We live in a world where people lie, and society begins to lose faith in love, in addition to trust.
So, what if you meet someone wonderful? Someone that makes you pretty gosh darn happy, and someone that makes you feel like a person. Someone that makes you laugh, and someone that you can just be with. Is the fact that you met online a deal breaker, because they may as well just be a serial killer.
What is the protocol for taking your online relationships, offline?'

Like what you see? Check out my other blog, Finding My Voice.

Who Are You In Real Life?

Have you ever met someone on Tinder, and thought that they were pretty awesome. They are the type of people who you have a lot in common with, are actually not creepy, and you know are pretty damn cool people?
Well, remember Mr. Marvelous? If you don't you should read about him here. Well, I decided to message him again. And we've been talking ever since like Thursday. He's pretty nice, flirty, and all of that jazz. However there's something that I don't like about him. And, that's how we met.
I've watched too many episodes of Catfish to wonder whose the person behind the phone. Is he real? Is he a 40 year old posing as a 20 year old? If he someone who he says his not? Yes, these are a lot of questions, but you do have to consider them when you're talking to someone on a site like Tinder. You don't know who you're talking to.
I guess it's safe to say that he's a pretty cool person, and we're both down to keep talking. However, I don't know what's the deal or what's going on here. We haven't meet in the virtual world, where the person that you're talking to isn't exactly who they say that they are. So, my guard's up higher than it would be if I met him in class or somewhere else.
But, he's pretty perfect, and I just told him that I'm pollotarian. 

How To Spot The Tinder Tools...

Tinder is a wonderful place for creeps to roam, as are most dating websites are. So, how do you avoid those creeps? It's simple, and yes it can be done.
Don't 'like' anyone you don't know. If you don't have any mutual friends, than you should just swipe left. One thing that I try to do as a precaution is to check who they are friends with. You never know with some people so it's important to be as cautious as humanly possible.
Use the block button. On Facebook, I rarely block people unless they spammed me to the point of no return. However, on Tinder, I try to use that button as much as possible. If they ask you if you're 'dtf' then they are getting blocked. Same if they ask me to Snapchat, or any other method that makes me feel uncomfortable. However, use the block button with people who you genuinely think are creepy. Once you block someone, they are blocked forever in Tinderworld.
Beware of the selfies. Guys who post pictures of their abs? #aintnobodygottimeforthat Guys who post pictures of themselves in front of a mirror? #swipeleft  Picture of them with a fancy car? #toolforsure. Usually, I'm very good at judging if someone's a tool, but those are my basic indicators.
How do you know if someone's a Tinder Tool? Comment below! 

Introducing..Marvelous Michael

Famous last words for one hundred, Alex? Okay, so I was matched with this guy on Tinder. After being convinced that most of the people on the site were creepy pedophines, which to some degree is true. I'm up to over 20 matches now, and I've only talked to three of them. Four if you count the creep who asked me if I was DTF. And for that asshole who did send me that, you can fuck off because I'll never be down to fuck with someone like you. You can go shave your back now.
However, there's this one guy. For privacy's sake, let's change his name to Marvelous Michael.
The first thing that he messaged me he said 'since we both wear glasses, does that mean that we're extra cool?' Well, I thought that was clever, so I messaged back. We had a conversation going for a couple of hours, and he didn't ask for anything other than a hug. I thought that was a classy way for a Tinder conversation. He called me intelligent, which is more refreshing then sexy. Very flirty, and I haven't heard from him ever since. Maybe I should message him again, but I don't know. He could be a creepy person hiding behind the iPhone screen for all I know. Yes, we have mutual friends, but he couldn't be real. But it's nice and flattering to think someone out there thinks I'm intelligent and wants to hug me. Even though we never met.
Maybe in some ways, online dating is romanticized based on movies such as You've Got Mail, when Meg Ryan ends with Tom Hanks. Maybe we all believe that it's going to happen. Perhaps it's the reason why some even join  the website to begin with.
And maybe, just maybe, we watched too much Catfish to make us wonder if someone's behind the screen is actually a person, who they say that they are. Thats the thing for online dating. We just never know what we're going to get.
I think that online dating is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get.
Thoughts?
*Name has been changed to protect privacy.

The Tinder Etiquette

Okay, so you have a match on Tinder. So, now what do you do? Talk to the dude, wait for them to contact you? There's so much openness that it's scary. You don't want to be labeled as creepy, however you don't to miss that opportunity to talk to that stud. 

One of the nice things about talking to virtual strangers on the internet is that you don't know much about them. You don't know about their story, and they don't know much about you. It provokes you to get to thinking about whose behind the screen, and it even provokes you to be more flirty than you would be in real life. Not just in virtual. 

Therefore, you must wonder if this is a good thing, because it eggs you on to take more chances, or a bad thing because you don't know who you're talking to. You don't know if everything that their saying is the actual thing. And that scares the living hell out of me, because I've watched a lot of Catfish episodes. You know the ones that when their online partners don't turn out the way that they thought that they were. Therefore, it provoked several freak outs on my part since this blog started, maybe to the point where this project could end altogether. 

However, back to what this blog entry was supposed to be on. Basically, in the world of the Tinder, one thing and one thing only could be concluded. If you like someone, say hi to them. You don't know them, yes. But it's less awkward because you both are into the virtual world where you talk versus trying to get to know each other. And if someone doesn't turn out the way that you plan? Well, there's always that handy dandy block button.

What Is The Tinder Project?

We've entered a world where everything is online and virtual. We can buy a car or a house, have the entire world at our fingertips, and even connect with other humans via social networking. It's become a social phenomenon to go and actually shop for people that we could want to mate with. Some for hookups, some are for more than hookups. Enter in Tinder.
I've noticed this, and I've wanted to follow it. So, I've decided to make a Tinder, which I did yesterday. I wondered what kind of people are using this app. Are they socially awkward? Are they just looking for someone whose DTF? Are they creeps who live in their parent's basement, who clearly don't know much about the female autonomy.
So, I've decided to find out what kind of people are on Tinder. Do their profiles match up with their personalities? And, I've decided to record my findings into something called the Tinder Project. Which is why I hope that you'll stick around with me in my journey. I'll be blogging daily, for the time being to record my findings, and update you on what's going on with my Tinder life. I'll question the etiquette, and I'll cover what you guys want to cover as well. And, who knows, maybe something will happen. Or not, because this isn't a Nora Ephron movie.